"What's all this fuss about the oceans becoming more
'Hasidic'? I know lots of Hasidim and they're very fine people."
"Emily."
"And they're also very modest. When they go swimming,
they always wear those long bathing suits that go all the way from their ankles
to their neck."
"Emily."
"And besides, the oceans belong to everyone and if the
Hasidim want to swim in the oceans, well, what business it that
of..."
"Emily!"
"What?"
"Not 'Hasidic,' Emily. 'acidic.' The oceans are
becoming more acidic because when carbon dioxide dissolves
in the ocean, it combines with water molecules, hydrogen ions are generated, and the ocean becomes
more acidic."
"Oh. Never mind."
***
So, is this really a serious problem or, like Emily
Litella, should we just...'never mind?' Here's what you missed that day you were
absent from Science class,
The pH of a liquid tells us how acidic it is. Pure
water has a pH of 7 and is neutral. Liquids with pH lower than 7 are acids and
greater than 7, bases or alkaline.
Since the start of the industrial revolution 200 years
ago, the pH of the oceans has declined from 8.2 to 8.1 so that it would actually
be more correct to say that the oceans are becoming more 'neutral', i.e. less
alkaline, than to say that they're becoming more 'acidic'. But 'neutral oceans'
just won't get those juices flowing the way 'acidic' ones will,
Think someone is trying to snooker us with all
this stuff? More taxes? More loan guarantees? Help out the Green
People a little? Maybe we should ask to see their emails.
Oh, all the hard drives fell into the ocean and got eaten by sharks? Well, it
could happen."
