Phony Scandals? Oh, Never Mind

        Last week, the president went on the road to explain that everything would be fine if only people in Washington, i.e. Congressional Republicans, would stop inventing all those 'phony scandals.'

       He probably meant the phony IRS scandal (who was that conservative I saw you with last nite?) or the phony Benghazi scandal (where was the president and what was he doing? and, when he got to Las Vegas next morning for that fund raiser, "were the eggs prepared just the way you like them, Mr. President?") or the  phony 'fast and furious' scandal, etc. 

        Or, as Gilda Radna/Emily Latella would have understood,

        "What's all this fuss about Republicans and phony sandals?! Republicans always wear shoes, even in the shower.      

       "Emily..."

       "And there's nothing phony about sandals anyway. If you didn't have sandals..."  

       "Emily..."

       "...your feet would get all hot and sticky and..."

       "Emily!"

       "What?"

       "Not 'sandals,' Emily. 'Scandals.' The President said that if the Republicans would stop inventing all those phony scandals, the economy would grow like gangbusters and there would be peace in the Middle East and the planet would stop warming and the seas would stop rising and Michelle might let him back in the family quarters so he wouldn't have to sleep on the couch in the Oval Office anymore because his back is starting to hurt. Scandals, Emily. The President said that the Republicans are inventing phony scandals."

       "Oh. Never mind."