Don't Mix In

      My Grandmother and Thomas Jefferson would have been good friends. They would have agreed on the important stuff.

       'Don't mix in' was my grandmother's favorite way of saying 'no entangling alliances.' Let them fight, argue, whatever. Not your business.

        And 'no entangling alliances' was Thomas Jefferson's way of saying 'don't mix in.' Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all.

        But then what do we do when governments in Syria and Egypt and Libya and who knows where next 'massacre their own people?' How can we just stand by and watch?

        Well, the fact is that there is no country, NO country, in the world whose government will tolerate an armed insurrection, whether justified or not. Take up arms against the government and you've got a pretty good chance of getting yourself shot.

        Think it only happens in 'brutal dictatorships?' that it couldn't happen in a democracy? Think again. How do you spell 'Fort Sumter?'

        And the South didn't even want to take over. They just wanted to leave. "Slip out the back, Jack. Hop on the bus, Gus...." 

       Maybe the best and only presence we should have in places where we're not the ones being threatened should be a hospital ship stationed off the coast to help the wounded on both sides. Grandmothers and Founding Fathers know about these things.

 

When An Apple Is Not An Apple

       In a kingdom far, far away, there lived a king who was sure that he always knew better than anyone else what was best for his people. 

       "I know better than anyone else what is best for my people," said the King.

       One day, the king learned that the lowly apple actually had magical powers.

      "Sir Axel of Rod," he called out to his trusty assistant, "issue an edict to my people that each must eat an apple a day because it will keep the witches and warlocks away."

      "But Sire," replied Sir Axel, "though this may be a noble goal, I am not sure that it is within your power to issue such an edict. You see, it says right here in the Book of Majestic Powers, 'A king may command his people to eat oranges but not to eat apples.' "     

       But the king was very insistant, as kings often are, and so Sir Axel issued the edict.

       When the people heard what the king had done, they were very unhappy. Most did not like apples because the peel was always getting stuck between their teeth and because apples were very expensive in the kingdom.        

      And so, the people did the only thing they could do. They petitioned Lord John of Roberts and his band of merry Court Jesters to come to their aid.

      The Merry Jesters listened attentitively to the people explain why the king had no right to make them eat apples and then they listened to the representatives of the king explain why he did. And then they pondered.

       Finally, the Jesters announced that they had reached a verdict and that they would announce it on the last day before they were to leave for vacation and would be "outa' here" for three months beginning right after the verdict was announced.

       "A King clearly has no Apple Power," announced Lord John.

       And the people cheered.

       "However," he continued, "I have studied the apple carefully. It is round, has a sweet taste, and is red which, when combined with yellow, produces an orange color. Therefore, I have concluded that the apple is really an orange and the King does indeed have the power to compel his subjects to eat apples under the 'Orange Power'."

         As the people began filing out of the courtroom in a dejected state, the Merry Jesters suddenly stood, linked arms and began kicking their feet in the air as they sang,

         "We are the Merry Jesters. We played a joke on you. You don't have to eat an apple. Not one or three or two."

          Now, if only life would imitate art...

 

 

"Aa-Chu !!"

      Steven Chu is a Nobel Prize winning Physicist, a very, very smart man.   

      And yet, as Secretary of the Department of Energy, Professor Chu approved

guaranteeing a half billion dollar loan to Solyndra, which promptly went bankrupt. Maybe if he had been investing his own money...     

       People are always having ideas for making stuff that they think YOU will like.  If they're right, you'll like their  stuff and they'll make money.  If they're wrong, they'll lose money. And, by the way, you can have any color stuff you want. Not everyone likes green.

      [Go call your wife and tell her that you're a better economic prognosticator than a physics genius even though you still don't know if Queens is part of Long Island or of New York City so, when you go out to eat, is the tax supposed to be 8.50% or 8.75% and are you supposed to tip on the tax?]

      YOU, of course, doesn't mean just...you. It means the millions and billions of YOU's or, as we call them in Brooklyn, YOUSE's, who mostly don't know each other or even ever met each other. They're just folks buying what they want and doing what they want. It's what Adam Smith called the 'invisible hand' of the market and it works pretty well if we just stay out of the way except for laws to prevent stealing and cheating.

      And don't believe people who tell you that some things are so expensive that the gov't has to do them. There's always money for a good idea. You just have to start small,
                                                                    ***

       "Henry, come in and eat before your supper gets cold. Why couldn't you get a nice job in the Post Office like your brother Seymour? A regular paycheck, good benefits, free stamps..."

       "In a minute, Sylvia."
                                                                   ***

       If Henry Ford had gotten a grant from the Department of Energy instead of working in his own garage and using his own money, he would have had to try and build an engine that could be implanted in a horse. Bureaucrats don't much like change.

      You know, there was a time in this country when the way to get rich was to "build a better mousetrap." Now, you just throw something together and then hire a lobbyist to make it illegal for anyone to compete or to import something better. The only ones happy with this arrangement are the mice.

     

Does Al Gore Claim Illegal Aliens Cause Global Warming?

       Illegal immigrants have been blamed for just about everything in this country except global warming. So, when Texas Gov. Rick Perry suggested that it might be okay to subsidize college tuition for illegals, his presidential bid was probably ended. But should it have been?

     After all, "Live Free or Die" was replaced by "Live FOR Free or Die" in many parts of this country way before illegals came along. 

     But, but, but, they don't pay taxes.

     Well, actually, they do pay taxes, They just don't pay income taxes, usually. They still pay sales taxes, utility taxes, phone taxes, user fees, not-user fees, user only on alternate side parking suspended days fees, etc.

     Call me next time you hear,

     "Ok, that's one flannel shirt, two pairs of socks, underwear...with tax, comes to $83.95."

     "No, senor. I am the illegal. I don't pay no taxes."

      "Oh, sorry, Mr. Illegal. Let's see now, hmm, ok, that'll be $65 even."    

       And about those income taxes, most illegals earn little enough that they wouldn't pay income taxes even if they were citizens. (The real money is in 'plastics,' not lettuce.)

      But, but, but, they steal American jobs.

      If American citizens would be willing to take the jobs that these folks 'steal', we wouldn't have to listen to the President every other week telling Congress to pass all those cock-a-mamie jobs bills "right now". He could just go on national t.v. and point,      

      "My fellow Americans, walk that way. Knock on that door over there and say 'I'm here for the job.' Good night."      

       Even the 'discouraged' workers don't want them. [By the way, do any of these 'discouraged' workers ever get too discouraged to eat?]

       Anyway, if it were up to me, I'd think about restarting a guest worker program.  Only thing I'd change would be to add a requirement for all the 'guests' to do a few hours of volunteer work every couple of weeks. Nursing homes? Hospitals? Could it cut costs enough to save Medicaid from bankrupcy and still allow us to take care of all the people who need taking care of?  Who knows? This country was built on immigration and volunteerism.     

       And maybe, maybe, maybe...with luck, we can some day get back to what America once was, to "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..."  instead of "Good fences make good neighbors."

All of the Above

                                                       
                                                             
 The New York State Education Department recently banned the use of 'all of the above' and 'none of the above' on multiple choice tests in order to avoid 'tripping up' the students taking the tests. 

In other words, instead of concentrating on producing students who will someday grow into literate adults, we're going to be vetting the tests they take in order to remove words that might 'trip them up,' Sounds like Alice has fnally  left Wonderland and is now living happily in New York. 

                                                                ***

     "Before I pronounce sentence, do you have anything to say for yourself?"

     "Your Honor, I'm so sorry. I've been teaching for over 20 years and I was never in any kind of trouble before. I didn't know that it was illegal to put 'all of the above' and 'none of the above' on a test. I..."

     "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! You put 'all of the above' AND 'none of the above' on the same test?"

     "Well, uh, actually..."

     "What kind of a monster are you? And you call yourself a teacher? You are hereby sentenced to death...by boredom."

     "Your Honor, please. Can't I just have life in prison? or the rubber room? I have a family. I..."

     "Death! Now get out of my sight."

     "Does this mean I lose my pension?"

                                                                 ***

Reminds me of a physics professor I studied with in Brooklyn College.  A week before final exams, one of my classmates asked Prof. Smits about a book entitled Physics Made Easy. The question he asked was whether it was indeed possible for a book, any book, to make physics easy.

"Sure, replied Prof. Smits. You just leave out all the hard stuff."

     

Professor Smits was joking. The Education Department apparently is not. Maybe it's finally time to give parents the same opportunity to pick their child's teacher as they have always had to pick his or her doctor.  Choice should mean...Choice. How do you spell 'Voucher?'