Hagels and Bagels

       When the President nominated former Senator Chuck Hagel to be Secretary of Defense, it was revealed that he had said that many people were intimidated by the 'Israeli lobby.'  I know he said 'Jewish' lobby but he's from Nebraska. Jews, blacks, transgenders, New Yorkers...all the same. He meant 'Israeli.'

       Anyway, so is there an Israeli lobby? 

                                                                          ***

       Washington, D.C. - May 24, 2011 - 1:00 P.M. : Congressman remains seated during

                  24th standing ovation for Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as he

                  delivers historic address to joint session of Congress. 

        Washington, D.C. - May 24, 2011 - 1:01 P.M. : Primary challenge rumored for

                  'sleeping Congressman.'

                                                                         ***

       Of course there's an Israeli lobby! And of course there's also a Black lobby, a gay lobby,  a General Electric lobby, a Screen Actors Guild lobby, an AFL-CIO lobby...There's even rumored to be a 'lobby' lobby for tenants living in pre-WWII apartments and whose landlords won't paint...the lobby. Washington is a lobby town.      

Woe, Roe

      

       Most people who get a gift will say, simply, "Thanks" or maybe, "Hey, what a great Chia pet. Just what I always wanted."

       Rarely will it be, "You're what?!!!"

       So, referring to every pregnancy, whether wanted or not, as a 'gift from G-d' is probably not a great idea, especially if you're a Republican. It could make it difficult for ANY Republican to get elected to anything, even the Presidency. I know, hard to believe, but still...

      And forced sonograms, 'personhood' laws, etc. are not going to change anything either.

      Any state with a Republican Governor and a Republican legislature that passes a law requiring transvaginal sonograms for any woman wanting to have an abortion (and, regrettably, the states trying to pass these laws are all 'red' states) will assure only one thing.

      It will assure that at the exact moment that any woman is forced to submit to such an indignity, at the exact moment, at the exact nano-milli-microsecond that that probe is inserted, it will assure that one more woman's name will add itself to the list of voters who will never, ever, under any circumstances, never ever never never ever vote for a Republican again for the rest of her natural life...no matter what he or she is running for. Can Republicans afford that? Is it worth it?

      And, remember, it's not just one vote we're talking about here. Men 'hang out, shoot a few hoops, talk stupid, whatever...'  Women...flock. What you do to one, you did to a whole lot of others.

      And forget that 'personhood' business, trying to get a fertilized egg declared a person. It'll never work and will do nothing except tie up in knots a lot of busy courts and make a lot of overworked judges very angry. Ever notice that the only ones who really like this idea are all those nice trial lawyer fellows who missed out on the tobacco and asbestos feeding troughs and are not going to make the same mistake again? By the way, ever notice which political party they all belong to? Hint: it's not yours. 

      And to our friends on the other side of the aisle, you won. Roe is the law of the land and it's not going to change. You got an 'unconditional surrender'. Be gracious. 

      The many people who get heartsick over this whole business are not a bunch of country bumpkin, hard right, hypocrite, Fox News watchers. They're just regular folks who get sick every time a fetus is 'extracted' and they're hurting...and a fair number of them are women who went thru it.

Blowin' In The Wind

     

       The federal government recently granted a lease to NRG Energy Inc. to build a wind farm off the coast of Delaware. As a result, it soon will be generating lots of clean, cheap electricity? And producing lots of 'good, well paying, green jobs?' Well, maybe...or maybe not.

      Apparently, no one is willing to put up the money to build those things unless the government, i.e. YOU, guarantees the loans and grants tax credits so they can be guaranteed a profit. 

      Huh?! 
      Nice work if you can get it. But why does anyone need a guarantee? Henry Ford never needed one and he did alright. So did Thomas Edison, John D. Rockefeller, and many, many others. Renewable, cheap, clean....sounds like a winner.

       Well, wind is definitely renewable but maybe not so 'cheap.' It's expensive to build those towers in the middle of the ocean. And building on land, while also not so cheap, may not really be all that 'clean and green' either. Turbines vibrate. People who live close to one complain about the noise and 'wind turbine syndrome' - sleep deprivation, anxiety, dizziness...

      And those whirling blades also kill an awful lot of birds (est, 500,000/year and up). What did you think all that fluffy stuff around the base of  the poles was? (Although, as we say in Brooklyn, "Dere's plenty more where dos' come from.")

      And finally, remember, the wind doesn't always accommodate us by blowing whenever we need electricity. Wind turbines, which on average, operate at 30% of maximum capacity, still need backup for when there's no wind. Building a wind farm? Don't forget to throw in a couple of gas turbines too.

                                                 

Sandy's Law

 

                                                                        

      'Hate crime laws' add an extra layer of punishment for crimes committed against individuals solely because they are members of various religious, ethnic, or racial groups, etc. Maybe it's time to try something similar for crimes committed during a national disaster. Maybe there are some things that even the most humane societies don't have to put up with.

     How about tacking another 5 or 10 years onto the sentence of anyone convicted of committing a crime in any place declared to be a disaster area. Think that this is too harsh a penalty, especially for crimes that are merely crimes against 'property?'  

      If you think that, take another look at those pictures of people refusing to leave the wreckage of their homes after Sandy passed thru, living without electricity, heat, or hot water, because they wanted to protect from looters whatever was left. Take a good look and see if you still feel the same.

      Or talk to the business owner who's just lost his or her life's savings and maybe a business that took a lifetime to build. Is there any punishment too great for preying on people in a situation like that? Not everything in life is 'covered by insurance.'

      Think the problem is just poor mothers stealing food for their kids? Think again. Very few of the stores vandalized during hurricane Sandy were grocery stores. Much more likely to have been sporting goods, jewelry, or appliance stores. What was that recipe for 'Sneaker Fricassee' or 'Toasted Flat Screen TV a l'Orange?'

       A disaster 'hate' law? Maybe an idea whose time has come. The price of living in a civilized society is, or at least ought to be, living like a civilized human being.

Don't Mix In

      My Grandmother and Thomas Jefferson would have been good friends. They would have agreed on the important stuff.

       'Don't mix in' was my grandmother's favorite way of saying 'no entangling alliances.' Let them fight, argue, whatever. Not your business.

        And 'no entangling alliances' was Thomas Jefferson's way of saying 'don't mix in.' Peace, commerce and honest friendship with all.

        But then what do we do when governments in Syria and Egypt and Libya and who knows where next 'massacre their own people?' How can we just stand by and watch?

        Well, the fact is that there is no country, NO country, in the world whose government will tolerate an armed insurrection, whether justified or not. Take up arms against the government and you've got a pretty good chance of getting yourself shot.

        Think it only happens in 'brutal dictatorships?' that it couldn't happen in a democracy? Think again. How do you spell 'Fort Sumter?'

        And the South didn't even want to take over. They just wanted to leave. "Slip out the back, Jack. Hop on the bus, Gus...." 

       Maybe the best and only presence we should have in places where we're not the ones being threatened should be a hospital ship stationed off the coast to help the wounded on both sides. Grandmothers and Founding Fathers know about these things.

 

When An Apple Is Not An Apple

       In a kingdom far, far away, there lived a king who was sure that he always knew better than anyone else what was best for his people. 

       "I know better than anyone else what is best for my people," said the King.

       One day, the king learned that the lowly apple actually had magical powers.

      "Sir Axel of Rod," he called out to his trusty assistant, "issue an edict to my people that each must eat an apple a day because it will keep the witches and warlocks away."

      "But Sire," replied Sir Axel, "though this may be a noble goal, I am not sure that it is within your power to issue such an edict. You see, it says right here in the Book of Majestic Powers, 'A king may command his people to eat oranges but not to eat apples.' "     

       But the king was very insistant, as kings often are, and so Sir Axel issued the edict.

       When the people heard what the king had done, they were very unhappy. Most did not like apples because the peel was always getting stuck between their teeth and because apples were very expensive in the kingdom.        

      And so, the people did the only thing they could do. They petitioned Lord John of Roberts and his band of merry Court Jesters to come to their aid.

      The Merry Jesters listened attentitively to the people explain why the king had no right to make them eat apples and then they listened to the representatives of the king explain why he did. And then they pondered.

       Finally, the Jesters announced that they had reached a verdict and that they would announce it on the last day before they were to leave for vacation and would be "outa' here" for three months beginning right after the verdict was announced.

       "A King clearly has no Apple Power," announced Lord John.

       And the people cheered.

       "However," he continued, "I have studied the apple carefully. It is round, has a sweet taste, and is red which, when combined with yellow, produces an orange color. Therefore, I have concluded that the apple is really an orange and the King does indeed have the power to compel his subjects to eat apples under the 'Orange Power'."

         As the people began filing out of the courtroom in a dejected state, the Merry Jesters suddenly stood, linked arms and began kicking their feet in the air as they sang,

         "We are the Merry Jesters. We played a joke on you. You don't have to eat an apple. Not one or three or two."

          Now, if only life would imitate art...

 

 

"Aa-Chu !!"

      Steven Chu is a Nobel Prize winning Physicist, a very, very smart man.   

      And yet, as Secretary of the Department of Energy, Professor Chu approved

guaranteeing a half billion dollar loan to Solyndra, which promptly went bankrupt. Maybe if he had been investing his own money...     

       People are always having ideas for making stuff that they think YOU will like.  If they're right, you'll like their  stuff and they'll make money.  If they're wrong, they'll lose money. And, by the way, you can have any color stuff you want. Not everyone likes green.

      [Go call your wife and tell her that you're a better economic prognosticator than a physics genius even though you still don't know if Queens is part of Long Island or of New York City so, when you go out to eat, is the tax supposed to be 8.50% or 8.75% and are you supposed to tip on the tax?]

      YOU, of course, doesn't mean just...you. It means the millions and billions of YOU's or, as we call them in Brooklyn, YOUSE's, who mostly don't know each other or even ever met each other. They're just folks buying what they want and doing what they want. It's what Adam Smith called the 'invisible hand' of the market and it works pretty well if we just stay out of the way except for laws to prevent stealing and cheating.

      And don't believe people who tell you that some things are so expensive that the gov't has to do them. There's always money for a good idea. You just have to start small,
                                                                    ***

       "Henry, come in and eat before your supper gets cold. Why couldn't you get a nice job in the Post Office like your brother Seymour? A regular paycheck, good benefits, free stamps..."

       "In a minute, Sylvia."
                                                                   ***

       If Henry Ford had gotten a grant from the Department of Energy instead of working in his own garage and using his own money, he would have had to try and build an engine that could be implanted in a horse. Bureaucrats don't much like change.

      You know, there was a time in this country when the way to get rich was to "build a better mousetrap." Now, you just throw something together and then hire a lobbyist to make it illegal for anyone to compete or to import something better. The only ones happy with this arrangement are the mice.